From March 17, 2018
Dear Saint Patrick,
WTF have you done!? I just came home to discover 4 frozen pizza boxes and a pack of Reese’s Pieces on the kitchen floor, now saturated by an empty can of Modelo. That’s not even Irish!
¿ Why did you tell me you were coming on Saturday, if what you really meant was, “I’m coming over Friday night and staying through Sunday.” ? That’s not cool! I wasn’t planning for this.
Why did you eat all of my food and lock my cat in the closet!?
I’m very disappointed in you.
I know it’s passive-aggressive of me to leave you a note like this, but I really just can’t face you right now.
You do this every year!
You have a problem!